[Oradlist] Wrapping presents with your cat.
ruprecht at blue.weeg.uiowa.edu
Tue Dec 14 13:49:22 PST 2004
This being the season where some of us are wrapping presents for
others, I thought that you might like to see the following. My
secretary sent it top me, and having three cats at home, i can
identify with this.One always has to check closets and rooms for
missing cats. Trying to work on the desk is good. Papers do not blow
away. Of course, it's hard to blow away with a cat lying on them.
Reading a book in a chair is also a feat. A cat, or for a change of
pace one of the dogs wants to be on your lap, between you and the
book. Anyway, enough said.
Enjoy the season, and peace to all.
Wrapping Presents with Your Cat
1. Clear large space on table for wrapping present.
2. Go to wardrobe and collect bag in which present is contained and close door.
3. Open door and remove cat from wardrobe.
4. Go to cupboard and retrieve rolls of wrapping paper.
5. Go back and remove cat from cupboard.
6. Go to drawer and collect transparent sticky tape, ribbons, scissors, labels, etc.
7. Lay out present and wrapping materials on table, to enable wrapping strategy to be formed.
8. Go back to drawer to get string, remove cat that has been in the drawer since last visit, and collect string.
9. Remove present from bag.
10. Remove cat from bag.
11. Open box to check present, remove cat from box, and replace present.
12. Lay out paper to enable cutting to size.
13. Cut the paper to size, trying to keep the cutting line straight.
14. Throw away first sheet because cat tried to chase the scissors and tore the paper.
15. Cut second sheet of paper to size by putting cat in the bag the present came out of.
16. Place present on cut-to-size paper.
17. Lift up edges of paper to seal in present, wonder why edges now don't reach, and find cat between present and paper. Remove cat and retry.
18. Place object on paper, to hold in place, while cutting transparent sticky tape.
19. Spend next 20 minutes carefully trying to remove transparent sticky tape from cat with pair of nail scissors.
20. Seal paper down with transparent sticky tape, making corners as neat as possible.
21. Look for roll of ribbon; chase cat down hall and retrieve ribbon.
22. Try to wrap present with ribbon in a two-directional turn.
23. Re-roll up ribbon and remove paper that is now torn, due to cat's enthusiasm in chasing ribbon end.
24. Repeat steps 12-22 until down to last sheet of paper.
25. Decide to skip steps 12-16 in order to save time and reduce risk of losing last sheet of paper. Retrieve old cardboard box that you know is right size for sheet of paper.
26. Put present in box, and tie down with string.
27. Remove string, open box and remove cat.
28. Put all packing materials in bag with present and head for lockable room.
29. Once inside room, lock door and start to re-lay out packing materials.
30. Remove cat from box, unlock door, put cat outside door, close door and re-lock.
31. Lay out last sheet of paper. (Admittedly this is
difficult in the small area of the toilet, but try your best!)
32. Seal box, wrap with paper and start repairs by very carefully sealing down tears with transparent sticky tape. Now tie up with ribbon and decorate with bows to hide worst affected areas.
33. Label, then sit back and admire your handiwork, congratulating yourself on making good of a bad job.
34. Unlock door, and go to kitchen to make drink and feed cat.
35. Spend next 15 minutes looking for cat, before coming to obvious conclusion.
36. Unwrap present, untie box and remove cat.
37. Retrieve all discarded sheets of wrapping paper, feed cat and retire to room for last attempt, making certain you are alone and the door is locked.
38. At time of handing over present, smile sweetly at receiver's face, as they try and hide their contempt at being handed such a badly wrapped present.
39. Swear to yourself that next year, you will get the store to wrap the darn thing for you.
Axel Ruprecht D.D.S., M.Sc.D., F.R.C.D.(C)
Professor and Director of Oral and Maxillofacial Radiology
Professor of Radiology
Professor of Anatomy and Cell Biology
e-mail:axel-ruprecht at uiowa.edu
mail: University of Iowa - DSB
Iowa City IA 52242-1001
The only man who ever got all his work
done by Friday was Robinson Crusoe.
"Education is what remains after one has forgotten what
one has learned in school." -- Albert Einstein
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