Sex kills, about 30,000 people in the U.S. per year

[Bob Sheridan]

I'd heard that it wasn't the sex that kills, but the running after it.

Maybe we could have a rule against that, as long as we're at it.

Decades ago someone wrote a book about "Mom-ism."  Theme of 
over-protectiveness, I think.

How far do we want to go in regulating personal interactions not 
involving live rounds?

Think I read last week of a six-year old getting busted for sexual 
harassment in his first grade class.  Lord knows what he actually did.

Where is Mark Twain when we really need him, I wonder.

And speaking of personal protection and live rounds, or buckshot, at 
least, here's another volley on the vice-president's recent unfortunate 
escapade:

Vice President Fined for Hunting Lawyers Out of Season

"It was just a misunderstanding" says Cheney.

February 17, 2006
(AP/UPI)

Yet more shocking revelations came to light today regarding last 
weekend's hunting 'accident' in Texas. Officials at the Texas State 
Wildlife and Game Department revealed that Vice President Dick Cheney 
violated established State hunting laws when he shot Mr. Harry Whittington.

As Wildlife Ranger John Burton explained - "We got nothin' against 
huntin' lawyers around here - hell, I've bagged a few myself. And Mr. 
Huntington's age made him a prime candidate for herd-thinning: he's 78 
and way past his prime. But Huntington is a TAX lawyer, and you ain't 
allowed to take tax lawyers until May 1st."

In 1987, in an agreement reached with the Texas Bar Association, the 
Wildlife & Game Dept. established a series of laws regulating the 
hunting of lawyers. "You have to understand," said the Chairman of the 
TBA, "if we don't thin 'em out then they overpopulate their egosystem. 
Next thing you know, there aren't enough cases to go around. Young 
lawyers starve, or clog up the court-houses and television trying to 
drum up clients. It just messes things up. But we also didn't want 
indiscriminant slaughter, so we got together with the Wildlife boys and 
set up a few rules."

These rules include the following:

1) Only lawyers above the age of 64 and personal-injury attorneys may be 
taken, with a limit of two per hunter per year. Muzzle-loader hunters 
are allowed three, bow-hunters are restricted to four.

2) Only female lawyers above child-bearing age may be shot, even 
personal-injury attorneys.

3) Tax lawyer hunting season is the only time restriction, with the 
season running from May 1st to December 12th.

"Of course, the usual standard hunting rules apply: no setting up 
lawyer-stands within a 10-mile radius of a courthouse, no money-licks, 
and no shooting 'em when they're seated," said Ranger Burton. "We Texans 
are hunters, pure and simple - there's nothing like bagging a 67 
year-old corporate merger attorney at 200 yards with a compound bow. But 
you have to have standards, and you have to play by the rules and give 
'em a fighting chance."

The Vice President will more than likely receive a fine of $10,000, and 
may even be required to perform a few hours of community service. "I 
know that seems sorta harsh for just nailing a really old one with some 
bird-shot, but me and a few others suspect that this was what we call a 
'canned hunt' - the Vice President invited the lawyer along. It ain't 
illegal per se, but a canned hunt is just plain wrong, and an insult to 
all of us who hunt lawyer the proper way."

When asked for comment, White House Spokesman Scott McClelland confirmed 
that "Vice President Cheney did indeed pull the trigger which activated 
the primer which detonated, which caused a rapid formation of gas which 
pushed the shell which sent the pellets flying in the general direction 
of the lawyer. But he didn't know about that tax-lawyer loophole.




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